Although we like to think of the male and female brain as the same, only one thing gets in the way: Science!
The fact is, men and women ARE different…not just physically, but in our priorities, how we communicate with each other, how we see ourselves, and so many others.
According to Anne Moir and David Jessel in their book Brainsex, and Louanne Brizendine in The Female Brain, and Steven Pinker in The Blank Slate, the assumption that our brains have exactly the same wiring is a “biological and scientific lie!”
We are not only different physically, but differ in life’s priorities, communicating, intelligence and feelings, and love and marriage. But never fear….I’ll give you a “New Way of Thinking” in the end to not only use these differences, but to actually ENJOY them as well!
Let’s first touch on four ways we are different. They are:
WE START AS FEMALES! While the sex difference in the brain originates with the chromosomes in every one of the trillions of cells our body has (“xx” for female and “xy” for male), the brain starts as female, and then switches to male only if male hormones are present! It they are not absent, the brain remains female. According to Dr. Brizendine in The Female Brain, the male brain makes this switch about eight weeks after conception.
More specifically, if the male chromosome is present, the fetal brain is flooded with testosterone. This then kills off the female cells devoted to communication, while replacing them with cells relating to sex and aggressions. That’s the reason that…generally….the female brain is wired a bit more for talking while getting it done, and the male brain is wired more for simply getting it done!
Boys and Girls
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Even at a few hours old, a baby girl gazes at people’s faces, while boy babies seem more interested in objects.
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When babies turn into toddlers, boys are more adventurous, while girls generally work harder at becoming friends.
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Girls also talk a year earlier than boys (Einstein was five before he could speak).
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The difference continues at the pre-school age, where boys prefer to play in large areas. (I LOVED to explore the canyon in our backyard.)
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Girls tend to more sedentary play and orderly activity. They also treat newcomers with friendliness, while boys often show complete indifference.
Intelligence and Emotion
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Men’s brains are more spatial, which is why they love maps.
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Men are generally more single-minded, while women usually have a far greater awareness of a situation.
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Women’s thinking is more “diffused,” and they can usually pick up small facial cues more quickly. (This may account for their intuition (which we as men would be foolish to ignore.)
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Men’s brains give them an action orientation and a preference for things over people. This is the reason I am really disturbed when Mary cries.
While women often complain that men do not communicate, it helps to know that PART of this is physiological.
Most of our feelings come from the right side of our brain, while our communication center is on the left. So…in order for those feelings to be communicated, they must bridge a gap across a bundle of fibers called the corpus callosum. THE MALE BRAIN HAS FEWER FIBERS…SO IT TAKES LONGER! Our feelings ARE there…we just ruminate on them longer!
Love and Marriage Men and women enter into marriage with somewhat different expectations.
While men often assume that security and a good sex life can form the basis of a successful marriage, women tend to want emotional intimacy and interdependence.
Our priorities also tend to be different! Men generally value power and profit more, while women place more of a value on personal relationships and security.
Using and Enjoying the Differences We Have!
A student once asked me, “So…how do you stay married and in love with Mary for forty years?” Do you know…I didn’t have an answer! So I asked Mary.
Her answer was immediate!
“Easy!” she said. “We’ve been married six times!”
“Errr…did I miss something?” I asked, “I’ve only counted once!”
“Well…we’ve been married only once…but we’ve had six different marriages. The first one was our first four years before our children were born. The next one was devoted to twenty years of raising them. Then they left…then they moved back…then they left again! And now…it’s you and me again, baby!”
Six marriages.
And each time, we had to make a decision! Do we go into this new marriage…or do we not. IT IS OUR CHOICE!
You see…the way we are today is based on how think today! The statement “I simply can’t make this change” is ABSOLUTELY TRUE! But do you know WHY it’s true; because that’s what you’re saying!
AND YOUR BRAIN BELIEVES EVERYTHING YOU TELL IT!
That’s the SCARY part.
But here’s the WONDERFUL part!
YOUR BRAIN BELIEVES EVERYTHING YOU TELL IT!
So when you say, “I AM making this new change…or this new marriage…or this new relationship,” YOUR BRAIN BELIEVES YOU.
And when you LOCK onto those changes…and those new ways of living ….do you know what your brain will do. It will everything it can…to make them true….and meaningful… in your life.
Wow!